It hurts to be human

Never give up, and be confident in what you do. There may be tough times, but the difficulties which you face will make you more determined to achieve your objectives and to win against all the odds.

– Marta

Lyrics of Pink's "Hurts 2B Human"

I am a Front Desk officer so everyday Jane would walk through the door, very jolly and cheerful as always. We would change our pleasantries and chat away about a lot of things. Jane is significantly younger than I am and I have adopted her as my younger sister. We would talk about a lot, from boys, to fashion, to education, you name it. I must say, I see mini me in her, since she is a sanguine, confident and friendly. One day she walked through the door and I could tell that she wasn’t okay.

She was quieter, calmer, puffy face, and clearly she wasn’t happy about something. Over my desk as we usually do it, I asked her if she was fine.

Jane: “it really hurts to be human” (starts crying)

At that very moment, my crazy upside down life came flashing before my eyes. Here I was, older me looking and younger 22 year old me. I was looking at her sobbing and loosing her mind because life had been so unfair to her like it was to me when I was her age. Instantly her mind was plagued with negative thoughts. All I could do was listen to her talk and crying while I offered a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear.

Jane: “Bambi I want to feel better, what do I do?”

Man learns through experience, and the spiritual path is full of different kinds of experiences. He will encounter many difficulties and obstacles, and they are the very experiences he needs to encourage and complete the cleansing process. – Sai Baba

“What advice would you give the young you if you had the chance?” I asked myself. It gets better. It actually gets better. The pressure you have put on yourself to be the best because you actually thought you are good at everything, will die out and you will learn about life. No one ever sat you down and told you that life is like a rose garden. For you to pick one, you will get pricked by thorns and bleed. You grew up thinking that life is all cupcakes and rainbows.

Life is actually harder than that. You will get rejected, humiliated, embarrassed. You will also get wanted, uplifted, cheered. Like a wheel on the car, life goes up and down, its like a roller-coaster ride. There are times when it feels like you are on top of the wheel and you are passing at school, getting promotions, your relationship is going well, basically winning at this life thing. Then there are times when it feels like you are at the bottom of the wheel, you are flunking in school, losing friends, retrenchment. These are the times that you get to dance through the rain.

The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor. If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved. – Samuel Smiles

We are all trying to win at this life thing and we just need someone to be there to understand what its like to go through this journey.

We ought to stop being hard on ourselves and appreciate ourselves.

We ought to celebrate the small wins in our lives, that way we will enjoy our destiny.It gets better.

Redirection is not always bad and failure and pain is absolutely necessary for growth. Its okay. We will be okay!! – Oarabile Mokgatlenyane

Dance Through The Rain

While he did have faith and passion, he had many challenges to overcome. It was not an easy ride to success, but through his faith and passion he did make it – Catherine Pulsifer

Growing up, I had always felt like my life was horrible because it lacked something. I used to want the latest everything because I thought somehow I will be happy. For a long time, it had appeared as though my life was short of something and somehow once I acquire that thing, I will lead this amazing life. I didn’t want to accept that in life there are rainy days. I didn’t want to believe that too much sunshine without rain, makes a desert.

I always thought that happiness was something I had to get in-order for me to actually feel it. I felt somehow when my life reached that point of no challenges, I will be over the moon. However there was always something in the way of my happiness. I either needed money for that latest iPhone or I had to pay of some debt. I had to finish some business or omg! time had stopped, yet I was getting older.

Until it dawned on me that these challenges make up my life. These obstacles are who I am. Who am I? I am the ups and downs of my life. I finally had to admit to myself and decide to be happy anyway. I chose to be excited about life, to be content, to appreciate all that I have gone through. I made a conscious decision to look forward to the best things in life. HAPPINESS IS A JOURNEY NOT A DESTINATION.

Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like nobody’s watching,
and live like it’s heaven on earth.

William Purkey

I learnt that there is something magnificent about myself and that my journey is unique. I had to learn to love myself and to forgive myself to be able to grateful for all that I have. I have always been someone who sees the glass as half full. However as I was going through these set-backs in life, I never realized that I had to learn from these hiccups in order for me grow. Oh Life is amazing ever since I changed my approach towards it.

  • Focus on your life’s journey and stay committed
  • Run after your destiny and enjoy the ride
  • Believe in yourself, be confident and chase your dreams
  • Work on yourself and you will see the change in your life
  • Remember that comparison is the thief of all joy, do not look at other people’s lanes, stay on yours.
  • Spend time with people who uplift you and cheer you to be the best

When breaking a window, you do it over and over again, until it actually breaks, you don’t give up on the way and say you tried – BambiLocs

Laugh like you never cried before

Why appearance matters to us

We have built a culture that places such immerse value in appearance that we would rather spend a lot to appear full than spend a little bit to buy food. There is no argument that we spend so much more on time, we spend so much effort and use so much more money to appear as though we are doing fine when indeed we are suffering.

We always tell each other that appearance doesn’t matter, however we are always bashing each other. We always want to keep up with the Joneses. If one day we woke up looking like superstars we would be very happy. We are quick to point out one little flaw about our appearance that is why we spend so much on cosmetics. It is the norm and tradition we have developed that it keeps trickling from Generation to Generation.

It is no wonder we suffer so much anxiety because we feel we aren’t good enough because we somehow lack something in our appearance. It is uncalled for to hear a person mention that they wear clothes from the second shop, or they drive a 10-year old car. I would rather spend a fortune that I don’t have to appear as though I have everything under control. This is because as a society we have placed so much value on appearance.

The famous saying that “do not judge a book by it’s cover” is somewhat fake because we actually judge books by their cover. That is why sales reps are always in fresh cut suits, receptionists since they are the face of the company, must wear and appear “clean”. No matter how many times we try to deny it, appearance does matter to humans. This is simply because:

  • It is socially acceptable hence the famous saying an attractive person is a sight to sore eyes
  • Looking good makes us feel good about ourselves i.e. an ego boost
  • Physically attractive people get to make more relationships with people because they are impressive

We do not realize however that in putting so much value on appearance, we miss out on the one thing we must learn as humans, contentment and gratitude. We suffer the inferior complex of placing appearance as a measure of success. As parents, especially in Botswana, we tend to feel like we love our children if they go to a private school and not a public school. Over-indulging our children, because we want to appear as though we are loving our children and we are there for them.

We suffer emotionally and go to bed hungry because we rather forfeit our bread for our latest shoe because someone will see and think we are rich. We have put so much pressure on ourselves because of the culture we have built of appearing as though we are okay, when in actual fact, we are suffering and trying to understand life as it is. We do not learn the basic language of money, instead we want to cheat by using get-rich-quick schemes, by promising each other temporary riches than actually building wealth.

Let me know in your comment below why we place so much value on appearance as people

why do I stress about appearance so much